Nurturing Future Stars | ep. 122

Is your child the next big thing? Parents and educators can use these simple strategies to help children reach their full potential! TD Flenaugh and guest Albert Bramante discuss strategies for nurturing children's talents and overcoming self-doubt. Albert, a talent agent and performance coach, emphasizes the importance of fostering curiosity and involvement in various activities. He shares his journey from aspiring clinical psychologist to talent agent, highlighting the impact of 9/11 on his career path. Albert's book, "Rise Above the Script," addresses self-esteem, self-efficacy, and self-sabotage, offering practical tips like deep breathing and reframing fear as excitement. He advises parents to support their children's growth through encouragement and practical experiences, emphasizing the long-term nature of a career in acting.

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Transcript

TD Flenaugh: 0:03

A star is born. Many of us, parents and educators recognize that the kids that are in our care may be someone who's a future star. They may be great at performing. They might have exceptional talent. How do we develop that talent to make sure that kids are pursuing their dreams and they're rising to their full potential. Hi. Thank you so much for joining the falling for learning podcast. We have this podcast to help parents and caregivers with having the resources, strategies and tools needed to make sure that their children are on track for learning and to stay on track for success. Our next guest, Albert Bramante is a talent agent and performance coach who are going to give us some strategies and insights about how to help our kids on their journey to greatness.

Albert Bramante: 0:54

Thank you for having

TD Flenaugh: 0:56

me on here. So Albert, we always have our guests talk about the thing that made them fall in love with learning. What was that thing for you? For

Albert Bramante: 1:04

me, it was just a natural proclivity toward reading and discovering new things. As a child, I was an avid reader. I still am, but I always I love to read. And for me, that was my comfort, my solace, my sanctuary was a library, and so I just really enjoyed learning about new things. I was always a curious kid, asked a lot of questions, was sometimes even chastised for being nosy. But I get just I'm just curious. I bring that to curiosity, and I think that's what really helped me get through things. You know, anybody my own life, is just learning, you know, especially loving to read. I love books. Yeah, and being an author myself, I just, I've always loved books and still do. So for me, it's, I've always I fell in love with learning, and I feel like, you know, Michael in life is just people learning, and I'm a lifelong learner. And you know, even being out of school for so many years, I feel like I'm always learning. And I think that's a mindset that all of us should be

TD Flenaugh: 2:07

having absolutely so could you tell us about what kind of activities you weren't in as a child? What's your education background that led you to your career?

Albert Bramante: 2:18

Sure. Well, I was always involved. I mean, when I was in, you know, elementary middle school, I was a type of child, because I was, I'm the youngest of five, and my half siblings are much older than I am, and so I kind of essentially was the only child. So I didn't really have that many peers to grow up with. And so I was more the adult, adult. I was hanging out with the adults table and the, you know, sitting at the adults table, I didn't have a hard time really adjusting to other children, but I spent, I would say, a good part of my junior high in high school being very involved. You know, different clubs, different organizations, including the school newspaper, the drama club, the, you know, all these different service organizations. And even in college, you know, my undergraduate studies, I was very much involved, you know, so many different organizations. And for me, that was just so important, you know, I think it's just to to be a part of different groups and communities and so that's what really fueled me. I mean, with community, I would say the biggest aspect of my education so

TD Flenaugh: 3:30

amazing. Okay, so tell us about, you know, the education that you had or the experience that led you to your career as a talent agent and performance coach,

Albert Bramante: 3:42

sure? Well, I worked several different hats, and I when I was like 1516, I made this declaration that I was going to be a psychology major. Okay? Because I was reading books in high school such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. So I really became just curious about self improvement and self help, so I just really wanted to study psychology for my undergraduate and bachelor's degree. I took some classes in theater at that time. I was not really intending to be anything in the in the arts. I was really intended to be a clinical psychologist and college professor, you know, my mom was a first grade teacher for 31 years. My dad, you know, was a football coach. My oldest brother was a football coach. So I think that between the coaching and teaching education was in my blood falling and full throat. Then I did my master's degree in psychology with a focus on consecration, marriage and family therapy and again, still looking to be a psych, clinical psychologist. I didn't get into a PhD program run away, so I had to work. And I had to, kind of work, you know, go into social services. Now right around this is right after I received my master's degree. Unfortunately. It was the same year of 911 and so, you know, being that I'm New Jersey in New Jersey was very close to, you know, New York City, and so, okay, some my contacts who were part of the 911 were needed, needed help to volunteers, like recruited a number of us, my, you know, myself, included a bunch of actors and filmmakers and directors, and it kind of brought my interest back from being in a drama club and being being, you know, an acting class. How much I enjoyed it. So I was like, Okay, Link, tried a thing as an actor. Now for me, it wasn't so much being an actor, but I think what it boiled down to was the theater community and ethnic community. I really felt seen as a person, and I really felt like I belonged here, you know, in this community. So, you know, right around this time, I also got hot, started filling one part of my dream was I got hired to teach as an adjunct at the time in the community college in psychology. So I started doing that, and I really loved it. And but then, you know the thing about, well, what do I do as far as acting wise? I said, Well, I'm not interested so much of being an actor myself, but I enjoy working with actors. I want to support actors as much as possible. So then I thought, Well, why don't I represent them? And so 2004 I started my first company, you know, from home and managing actors. And then this is right around the same time I decided I'm going to go back to my PhD. And in the middle of my PhD studies, you know, it's kind of launching the talent business, as well as still teaching part time. But the one thing that kept coming up with self sabotage and, you know, blocks, fear, success, imposter syndrome. And so I decided I was gonna do my doctoral dissertation on self defeating, behavior performing artists, right? And so that was like turning point where I was able to bring both of my worlds together, my love that thing, but also the psychology and the mindset work that come with that. So that's how I that started. And then, you know, many years later, I decided to, you know, write my, you know, publishing book, writing of the script, which deals with self doubt and self sabotage, okay? And working with the 1000s of actors as well as students. That was the one thing that came up a lot was self sabotage and fear of success and other blocks, like really getting your own way, and how we can be, sometimes be our own worst enemy.

TD Flenaugh: 7:31

Yeah. Can you give us like, one example of self sabotage?

Albert Bramante: 7:35

Well, in my context, it would be like the the actor, for example, who you know, does shows up late to appointments, the actor who doesn't prepare fully, of the actor who decides even to blow off an appointment or an audition, you know, just really things that are like, kind of taking themselves out of the race, or the out of the opportunity too fast without because it's a tough industry already to break into, regardless, right? It's like, now you're kind of like being your own worst enemy,

TD Flenaugh: 8:03

right? So you don't even have an opportunity. They're not going to consider you because you didn't show up, you came really late, something like that. Okay? And then what happened? Like, what are some things that happen in self doubt? Or, how does that happen? You explain more about that, sure?

Albert Bramante: 8:21

Well, what, what can happen there? What's what out it's you start to get that inner critic that pops in there, that the I don't know if I can do this. I know if I'm good enough, I'm trained enough. Oh my, I'm just little, all me. And then it just starts to say, You know what, I'm not gonna really do this. I'm not gonna pursue this, even though I really want to deep down inside, I'm just not going to do it. And therefore it just like we start shrinking inside, and then therefore we just, we don't really let, let our, let our light shine through, in a sense,

TD Flenaugh: 8:55

okay, and so when we, you know, with our audience, really supporting kids as educators and caregivers. What are some things that we could do for kids as they're, you know, sometimes they might be acting right? They may have, you know, big roles that they're up for, but they may also have, like, smaller roles, speeches, different things like that. What are some things that we could do to help support them when some of the self doubt or even self sabotage is happening.

Albert Bramante: 9:22

Well, really to one thing you want to do is build like, initiative, autonomy and really competence, and that's what you're doing with children, and it's really encouragement. Is very powerful encouragement, and not being so concerned as a parent with the outcome, you know, more more of like, enjoy praising the process. So, for example, instead of, instead of, like, you know, even if the child messes up or or exposes their practice, to keep reinforcing the idea that they're working hard for it, so you're you're crazy, rather than the outcome. So therefore you're teaching perseverance and the importance of grit and hard work, and rather than, again, the outcome like, it's not about winning, it's not about losing, it's not about whether you're going to get the role or not. It's about working hard. It's about putting, you know, giving it your all and being okay with whatever the outcome is not being attached to the outcome, and this is even for adult actors too, is to just do your best and not be so concerned with the outcome.

TD Flenaugh: 10:41

The rewrite method and the rewrite method workbook are your go to resource for helping kids to learn to fall in love with writing. It has the tips, tools, resources, strategies and skill building activities to help kids fall out of writing heat and into loving to write. Get your book set today you all right, I love that praising the process and really focusing on the effort and detaching yourselves from the outcome. So those are some great strategies, some gems that will be very helpful for our audience members. What are some things to do when the self doubt is coming in? Because obviously you could help coach them. But what are some things that we could tell them to say or do, to help them when they're like on stage and the self doubt is creeping up, you know, in the in the moment,

Albert Bramante: 12:04

yeah, well, physiologically, take a deep breath in. Deep breathing is very powerful, calm, deep breath in. And just even, like simple phrases, like, I got this, I got this, you know, you say that to yourself, I got this. And you move forward. And one of the things that were were really wired to pay attention to fear, and that's exactly a brain is designed to help us survive. So it's doing its job by sometimes creating this tension in our body, because it's we're an unfamiliar territory, we're an unfamiliar ground, an unknown land. So again, it's gonna seek that fear, but instead, like saying, I got this, and you know what, whether you're whether you're giving a speech, whether you're giving a performance, the idea here is to almost reframe that nerves that you're getting, that maybe that uneasiness, that queasiness in your stomach is, instead of saying, like, well, this means I'm nervous. No, it means you're excited. Because if you look at the the emotion of excitement and anxiety in the body, physiologically, they're very similar. State, interesting, okay, instead of saying I'm fearful, I'm doing I must be fearful. No, I'm doing this because I'm excited. I

TD Flenaugh: 13:16

love that idea reframing that fear as excitement and really thinking about, you know, things that you could do, such as breathing right, which we hear a lot, but helping students, kids practice that in the moment, practice that, and then actually, when they're in the moment, you know, they could apply it and actually use it. And it could be something to help them move forward. That's really great, great ideas that we need to think about and really implement with our students and our children as they are getting out of their comfort zone. Because that is what performing is. Out of the comfort zone. It is unknown territory, often when, even if you've done something before, but within the the new performance is a new audience, and it is a new new territory, like you said, so reframing those ideas and really able to move forward, because we want our kids to reach their full potential, but for them to think about fear in a more objective way and then reframe their fear As excitement. Really, really, think those are very helpful strategies that you're sharing with us, absolutely. So can you tell us about your book and how it relates to your coaching? And sure you're

Albert Bramante: 14:33

it's, I have a different backed up by research and personal, you know, stories and experience. So it's based, it's follows, the foundation of my doctoral dissertation. The outline, I talk about self esteem. You know, my first part of the book is self esteem, and I talk about the consequences, the extremes of self esteem, when it's too low, how it's a problem. Sometimes being too high can be what I call toxic high self esteem, or, like, you know, a little bit. Pomp, you know, pompousness, grandiosity and all that, and how that can lead to self sabotage too, because then we're not open to criticism, and that we're not really, you know, we're not really open to change. And then part two, I talk about a concept known as self efficacy, which I feel is so important for children and education. And self efficacy is really your your belief or your competence in a certain task or domain. And if you're performing in any type of way, you really have to have a high degree of self efficacy in your in your acting ability, performing ability, speaking ability, your athletic ability, whatever it is you're performing as so. And then there's another part where I talk about personality, particularly a five factor model, which is, you know, openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness and eroticism, and how all those play into them, how this relates to self sabotage is usually those that are high in eroticism, which is really referred to how prone you are to anxiety and and and how easily your face, like people that are high in neuroticism tend to be very easily upset or triggered or angered, whatever it is, and an emotional extreme. And you couple that with low and conscientiousness, which is discipline and focus. And that's a perfect recipe for self sabotage, I see. And then the last part of the book, but the final part is on fear success and a couple of different things that talk about relationships. You know, sometimes when you're successful, relationships may change, because your life is going to change. And then there's another chapter I talk about money, your relationship with money, okay, and how that affects you. And it says that every part of the chapter, there's some helpful strategies in there. So while the book is really geared towards actors, you know, for performing artists, there's a lot of stuff that's in there that really, anybody can get, can gain something from, you know, who deals with self doubt and self you know, and sometimes that imposter syndrome and you know, and that's everybody, pretty much, you know, I'm really fundamentally,

TD Flenaugh: 17:03

wow. Okay, so tell us the title of your book one more time.

Albert Bramante: 17:06

Sure, it's rise above the script, confronting self doubt and mastering self sabotage for performing art,

TD Flenaugh: 17:13

wonderful. Okay, and we're and we are going to have a link to that in the show notes, right? Okay, all right. And if people want to reach out to you where they're going to go,

Albert Bramante: 17:24

Sure, you can go to my you can go to my agency website, vermonte artists.com and feel free to reach out to me there, especially if any questions about acting, or, you know, if you have questions about performance, I'd be happy to reach out to you there. You can also find me on socialism, on LinkedIn and Instagram, and you know, you can feel free to send me a direct message, and I'd be happy to chat with

TD Flenaugh: 17:47

you, great. So getting back to your work, what are some things that you notice that people really get wrong? They do things that are really set them up for it doesn't set them up for fail. I mean, it kind of sets them up for failure. Besides, like, self sabotage, what are other things that they do?

Albert Bramante: 18:06

A big one is perfectionism, expecting every or expecting everything to be perfect. And one of the statements is related to that, is, is I really feel like being not ready is a lie. Like, when you tell yourself you're not ready, it's really you're deceiving yourself. So I often say not ready is a lie. And the reason why that happens is because there's no such thing as a perfect human being. We're gonna make mistakes all the time. And I think when we're waiting to do something because we want it to be perfect. That you know, not ready to do this yet. I need more training. I need not ready to implement that because I need more experience. And I think that if you keep in that pattern, it's like a never ending loop, you'll never be ready, right? And so the important thing is to do it, to just do it, take action, and even if, if it doesn't go the direction you plan, or it doesn't land the way you want it, to consider that a learning opportunity. So there's no such thing as failure, only feedback. So you're failing forward, in a sense. So I think that's important, is to learn that not everything, everything that that doesn't work out, is a bad because to be upset about or to dwell on, it's a learning experience. It gives you good feedback. It's like now, now you know what to do differently. So that's very important,

TD Flenaugh: 19:23

that's really good. So being not ready is a lie, that you really are ready, but you're worried about it not being perfect and taking the action is going to lead you, give you some experience, going to give you some learning, going to give you feedback. So failure actually reframe it as feedback, right? Okay, yes, I really love that. Okay, all right. And what gets people what do you think as an like, with actors, like, what has been the thing that really propels people forward when they're thinking about their performance?

Albert Bramante: 20:00

Are growing. What really propels them forward is mindset and a growth mindset, and that's all about, like looking as opportunities for growth. In a sense, that's what's important is, you know, just learning to grow, move forward. That's the one thing I would say, also just again being also around a good support system too. You know, you want to be around a good network, and network that elevate you, that will support you, rather than tear you down. And that's why I believe proximity is power, you know, and I'll borrow that from like Tony Robbins and, you know, yes, Jim Rohn, and that proximity is power, and I think that is so important. So you want to have a good network that's going to support you, and you want to be around other parents that are going to help elevate you and support you, and be around other children you know your children, be around other children that will inspire them and to lift them up so and there's always expression that one of my mentors that said, you want to be around people that will celebrate you and not tolerate

TD Flenaugh: 21:01

you. Nice, celebrate you and not tolerate you. So many gems. Thank you so much. Albert Monte for just bringing all of this together for us and really thinking about that. What are if someone wants to be an actor or an actress as an adult, what are some things that they could do for their kids now to help them move in that direction?

Albert Bramante: 21:24

Well, I would say, first, get them in some theater classes, whether it's in their school or in their community. Let them do some community theater. Get the experience of being on stage, working with the script, working with practicing auditioning. And then just get them like, you know, get them involved in some acting classes from different acting schools. And that's the biggest thing is, like learning to network, and they can start meeting other actors and other theater professionals, and they can start just building from there. And then, you know, once you're establishing you would need professional headshots, which are you would get that from a photographer who does acting headshots on portrait shots or not glamor shots, but actual headshots. And so you would need that. And with that training, you would then start, you know, putting yourself online. There's different websites for actors, like actors access and casting networks, which I can certainly get, you know, if anything reaches out to me, I can certainly guide them. But that would be the next steps. Is to just put yourself out there. But the main thing to really know is that this is a career. This is not a overnight sensation. So you we may have hear some stories of people having a big break, but sometimes what the reality is, it took them 15 years to get that break right. So it's a lot of work. It's a great, rewarding profession. Somebody who wants to do this great but do understand that this is a career. This is a, not it. This is a, you know, not a sprint, a journey. So it's going to take time and and a long time, and for, especially for younger actors, because I work, you know, one live with adults, but even those that are graduating from college and, you know, moving to New York or they're going to help Los Angeles or even Atlanta. The important thing to know is that you need almost a 10 or 15 or 20 year plan if you're if this is what you want to do when. And I'm assuming it is, but it's not going to be an overnight success. It's not going to be an overnight sensation. It's going to take time, but it's very rewarding, because, again, most of the actors I know that I work with, don't do it for the thing. Don't do it for the external rewards. More about the internal, like the intrinsic of being able to tell a story and be able to bring a character

TD Flenaugh: 23:29

to life, right? Okay, well, that's interesting. I you know, I haven't researched it very much, but just to hear that 10 to 20 year plan, it's a career, I think is really good advice. I think a lot of people do think, you know, you get just discovered, and you're on that hit show or movie and it's like you're doing it, yeah, where the reality is doesn't really match that ideal. Okay, yeah, that's good. That's good to know. Okay, well, are there any you know final takeaways that you want to give to our audience? Well,

Albert Bramante: 24:03

I'm glad that you know this podcast exists, and thank you for putting it together, because I feel like it's so important for the children. I mean, I know it's cliche, but children of the future, and I think that we really need to be setting the foundation so that I don't have to be coaching that much when I'm when they're an adult, because they already have the tools to be able to handle, you know, challenges and diversity and be able to push through them. So we need to start at an early age, because technically, if you really think about we should have all the resources we need to succeed by the time we're adults. And sometimes, you know, there may be, you know, benefit will have the best childhood, or we're dealing with our own trauma. Sometimes those resources can be or that wisdom can be blocked or impeded. So it's important to kind of work through that and to and that's where a coach can come in to kind of tap, help you tap into that your own inner greatness.

TD Flenaugh: 24:56

Okay, all right. And so again. Look out for Albert Bramante on his social media and his website again one more time,

Albert Bramante: 25:07

and that's Bramante artists.com Okay,

TD Flenaugh: 25:10

and we appreciate you so much for coming on to our show dropping so many gems about how to bolster children through their confidence and really coach them into the next level of performance. Thank you so much again. And for parents and our educators out there, please do something today that is going to give the children you serve a competitive advantage. Thanks again. Thank you. Thanks again for supporting the falling for learning podcast, new episodes go live every Saturday at 5pm you can watch us on youtube.com, at falling for learning, or listen on all major podcast platforms such as Apple, Google, Audible, Spotify and much more for more resources, visit falling in love with learning.com we really appreciate you. Have a wonderful week.