Unlocking Your Introverted Teen's Potential: What Every Parent Should Know | Ep. 59

In this insightful episode of the Falling for Learning Podcast, we dive into understanding introverted personality types with special guest Antonia Allen, author of Unlocking the Introvert. Antonia shares her personal experiences growing up as an introvert and offers valuable advice for parents of middle and high school students. Discover how understanding your child’s personality can help them thrive academically and socially. Learn practical tips for supporting introverted children, recognizing their strengths, and fostering an environment where they can recharge and flourish.

This episode is a must-listen for parents striving to keep their children on track for learning and success, especially if they have quiet, reflective, or introspective kids. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of introversion and how to empower your introverted child to embrace their true selves.

Keywords: introvert personality, introverted child, parenting tips, academic success, understanding introverts, middle school students, high school students, personality types, child development, education podcast

Hashtags: #IntrovertParenting #ChildDevelopment #ParentingTips #FallingForLearning #IntrovertedChild #AcademicSuccess #PersonalityTypes #EducationPodcast #IntrovertedTeens #ParentingTips #ChildDevelopment #EducationSuccess

Transcript

TD Flenaugh: 0:00

You may be harming your kid by not understanding their personality type. Our guest here today, Antonia Allen, is the author of Unlocking the Introvert. So this is a special episode for parents who need to understand the kind of personality your child has and how to help them be successful and to embrace their personalities. Hi, thank you so much for joining the Falling for Learning Podcast. We have this podcast to help parents and caregivers with having the resources, strategies and tools needed to make sure that their children are on track for learning and to stay on track for success. Thank you so much for joining us. Antonia, how are you doing?

Antonia Allen: 0:50

I am wonderful. Thank you for having me. TD,

TD Flenaugh: 0:53

Wait, did I say that wrong? Antonia or Antonia?

Antonia Allen: 0:57

Either it's fine, it's about the same

TD Flenaugh: 1:01

What your mama Call you?

Antonia Allen: 1:02

No. She calls me Anne

TD Flenaugh: 1:06

Okay. Okay, so we're so glad to have you today. We always start with asking our guests about what really hooked you into learning as a child, what really got you into learning.

Antonia Allen: 1:21

So because I was an introvert, actually, I used to love to read. So I used to that was my favorite thing to do, would be offer my own reading a book or just doing something, something that pertains to learning.

TD Flenaugh: 1:35

Okay, all right. Well, first of all, let's define what an introvert is for people who may not know out there.

Antonia Allen: 1:43

So So I think there's a misconception now that I'm learning more about it and understanding and there's this misconception that introverts are shy or socially awkward, which funny enough. That's what I used to think I was. That's what I used to say, until I learned the term introvert and understood it better. Basically, it's just their personality type. It's extroverts. They thrive on energy. We thrive on basically being off, you know, because that's how we recharge when we are exposed to too much of anything, you know, a person, it could even be a person or a situation or environment. We tend to just like our drain is like zapped. We need to go off and recharge.

TD Flenaugh: 2:26

Okay, alright, so what are some of those things to help a parent maybe identify that their child could be an introvert?

Antonia Allen: 2:38

Um, some of the things could be, well, one the child is quiet, and you know, and you know they prefer to be off by themselves. And sometimes, I mean, depending on because, of course, I there could be anything going on with a child at any given time, but I know that for me, I'm I used to always be quiet, and if my sister was more the rambunctious type, you know. But I think, you know, things are different now, in that children are more harsh, in that if you're not, you know, a part of the crew, then you're weird. Yeah, I think it's very important for parents to just get to learn and understand their children. If they're not too certain, then, you know, Google it like everything is on the internet nowadays. You know, I, you know, when I started to learn about the personality type, one of the things that I that when I was reading this book by Susan King Quiet, you know, she mentioned that parents have this way of saying if some if their children is behaving shy, if they meet someone, then the parent would say, oh, that's how they are. And she said parents should not do that, because then it makes it it makes it seem that the child is weird and it's funny, because I used to do that for my to my niece, because that's what was used to happen to me. And when I read that, I said that I wouldn't do that anymore, yeah, because it just makes the child feel that much more special when, in fact, they're normal, right? The thing is, they're they may not operate like everybody else, but they're normal, you know, like extroverts, introverts and ambiverts,

TD Flenaugh: 4:23

okay, all right, so usually quiet, they get recharged by being in solitude, right? Okay, yes, all right, so those are important things for us to think of. How did you how did this shape, like your career path or your educational journey? You being an introvert.

Antonia Allen: 4:43

So as it pertains to my career, it didn't because, because, like, I've been, you know, a manager, director of my department, but it did not like hinder my growth, okay? And that's because, you know, we actually, you know. Introverts actually made great leaders. President Obama, you know, people may not know, but there's so many people, Oprah Winfrey, you know, that are also introverted. You know, so it it won't hinder our growth or our performance, okay, it's just that after, after being exposed to certain environments, we just want to go off and be alone, just to recharge the state, you know. So it could be, you know, at a meeting, it could be, you know, after work, they could be, you know, kind of like a get together, right? Sometimes we may excuses that we don't want to go, and if we'll go, you know, we find an excuse to leave, or we go to the bathroom just to, kind of like, just recharge and regroup. Okay, you know, so it doesn't being an introvert does not hinder, you know, growth. In fact, it's actually a great attribute, attribute, because we are thinkers, you know, like, we like to think, we like to research. And, you know, often times, like, my experience is that when I'm when I'm at work, I find that the people that speak the most like the extroverts, they just speak like they just basically like the Emperor, where the introverts are more, you know, silent because they're contemplating what it is that they want to say, you know. So, you know, it's actually, in my opinion, but I could be biased, we actually performed very well at work.

TD Flenaugh: 6:26

Okay. And so what is something that you know, going back to when you were talking about your niece, you thought you were like helping explain for her, but it was... So, what is the better way to handle that? If, if if you know, you see those attributes, what should you say or do? So it's not, you know problematic.

Antonia Allen: 6:51

I think you know if, if someone approaches a child you know, and they're speaking to them and the child just, you know, like, does this thing it? I feel like, just, just allow that to happen, like, Don't make excuses, right? Because this is just how they are. And I think for me looking back, I mean, thankfully my mom never made me feel weird, okay, but other people did, you know, but I feel like if people would learn more about the personality type, then they'll be able to have a healthier relationship with a child. Because sometimes, you know when we're quiet, because, again, people are quiet for many different reasons, but often times it is because of the personality type. As I continue to grow and learn and meet people who are introverted, we begin to exchange, you know, experiences, and it's so funny how we experience one of the same things. Yeah, right. And, you know, for me, it brings me joy, because I actually had to educate my god son's mother to let her know and understand like how he is, and I would tell her, just leave him, like, he's fine, you know. Okay, went to college. She was concerned that he wasn't calling. And I'm like, he's not going to call. It was just that, if we don't have anything to say it, we just don't. It's like, what's what's the use, you know? Okay, yeah, so I think that it's just important to learn and understand the child and kind of like give them, give them space so that they can grow and understand themselves. Because I honestly didn't understand my personality type until a few years ago. Okay, now that I understand it, I'm able to to perform better. I'm able to communicate better, because now I can tell people I don't like small talk. No, you can't pop at my house.

TD Flenaugh: 8:52

Wow, okay, that I think, is almost universal, but maybe some people are okay with that, but so taking us to your book now, the it is unlocking the introvert, a pocket guide to understanding and interacting with introverts. So can you tell us about, you know, highlight some parts of your book that really could help people who either have a child that is introvert or or or someone else in the family, sure.

Antonia Allen: 9:23

So I actually did this, because as I grew more, as I grew to understand the personality type more, I realized how misunderstood I had been. Because I think for most of my adult life, I kept whining about, oh, I just want to be understood. And then once I learned what my personality type was, I was like, oh, wait a second, how can someone understand me if I don't understand myself? And so, right? And so I decided to write this book, 17 chapters, you know, from loving an introvert to coping with introverts. Because the reality is, if, if. Will go and know and understand the personality type, and they won't know and understand us. So then here comes the judging and the name calling and the booking. So, yeah, so then I kind of broke it down to even traveling, like traveling with an introvert. Because, you know, sometimes, you know, we have, like, extroverted moments where we're thinking, yeah, we're going to go party. And then the time Cooper, you know, so I think that, you know, there, there's just a little bit of everything for, you know, anyone. Because when I wrote the book, it was for introverts to understand themselves better, but then also for extroverts to learn and understand how it is, you know, like to be with us.

TD Flenaugh: 10:45

Yes, all right, so make sure you get the book. It that that it's in the show notes and so, yes, unlocking the introvert really important. 75% of children don't know how to write. Well, add that to the fact that so many people out there are trying to silence the voices of those who have been oppressed and trying to prevent them from telling their story. Who's going to tell your story if your child doesn't know how to write? Well, I have two books to address this issue, the rewrite method and the rewrite method workbook. We tend to make sure that parents know what to do, that educators know what to do to get their children to write better and just not write better, but love to write. Make sure that your next generation could tell their story and they won't be silenced. Go to falling for learning.com today to purchase your set. So your experience as growing up with as an inter introverted child, what are some things that people did that help you because you talked about your mom didn't make you feel weird or anything? So what are some things that she did to help you? And parents can do for their child too?

Antonia Allen: 11:59

So my mother, excuse me, because I can't. I won't say that. She understood me, but she was patient. I mean, even up until now in that if I get quiet, she doesn't, are you okay? Because when people do that, because if we, if we, if we get quiet, then something is wrong, right? This, that's the assumption when that's not the case, right? And so my mother has grown to understand that when I get quiet, and if I'm off of my, off on my on my own, it's nothing there's nothing wrong. There's nothing to fix, like this, me just being me, just taking a moment. There are other people, however, who they'll keep pressing like, Are you sure? And that's when it becomes annoying, right? Because then the reality of it is, instead of us fine five times ago.

TD Flenaugh: 12:56

So they've created a problem where there wasn't that. That's understandable. Okay, so, yeah, just let them be who they are. Don't try to label them as upset or or whatever. Yes, okay, all right. And can you tell me about like your college career or your your career journey, and how you flourish being as an introvert? Because you told us a little bit about in general, but more specifically

Antonia Allen: 13:40

so as it pertains to college, I grew up in New Jersey and moved to New York because I wanted to go to school in New York, and I knew that there would have been more opportunities for employment. My background is accounting, and so when I moved to New York, I worked a bit, and then I went to school in the evenings, so that, I think, in doing so, it kind of prevented me from doing two things. One, having to have to do the happy hour at work, and two, having to have to get too, too involved in with extracurricular stuff at school. Like I'm looking at now, and I'm realizing that these are the things that I used to do, like make excuse, like, oh, I have exam or, you know, like, whatever the case may be, but with school, you know, like, I've always loved studying, so even if you know my friends or whatsoever Have you were going out, oh, I have to study. Excuse as it pertains to work, I've always been a hard worker. Some would say that I was an overachiever, because I used to love going early, stay late. I don't do that anymore. And in doing so, you know, like I was always given the opportunity to grow, you know, at one job where I was there for. Almost 10 years I was promoted five times. It was a struggle to, you know, to be honest, because one being young, two being female, three being black. You know, it was I felt it even though I appreciated it, you know, because it was based off of my merit. But in the same breath, there were other colleagues longer time that I had to now manage, of course, the, you know, here comes the jealousy. But the good thing is, you know, like I'm I've learned how to smile in the past two years, but for the most part, I used to always have my resting face. I mean, I used to smile in pictures and stuff, but walking on the street, I always looked mean. That's what people say. Oh my god. It looks so mean. But I think it was my way, my my way of basically putting up a defense so that no one would approach which, I guess it has its benefits and, you know, like that, you know. But as it pertained to work, I was always a great performer, because I took the time to learn what I needed to do and basically get the job done. I wasn't into, you know, making friends at work, per se, and, yeah, and so, you know, it was easy for me to separate myself from, you know, colleagues and just focus on what I needed to do.

TD Flenaugh: 16:18

Okay, alright, so as you are, you told us about one of the mistakes that you made. You know, with a younger member of your family being an introvert, are there other things that you've learned, that you used to do, or that you you know that would help parents understand, like, are there other mistakes that you could think of? Yes.

Antonia Allen: 16:43

So one of the things that you know, parents like to do, I'm not sure why. So, like, one of the things that that I used to dislike a lot was if they were on the phone and they're talking to me like, Oh, hold on a second. Basically, like, show the phone. I was like, I said, No, I'm not taking the phone. What am I getting on the phone for? Right? So that was one thing that I didn't care for. And then, you know, when we used to have company, um, oh, come down and say, you know, talk to someone like, I don't want to, and now, like I feel like, as an adult, I'm in control now, right, and not right. So I literally have someone decided to pop up one day, and they call and text and said, Are you home? And I'm looking at the window like, Nope, because I'm adult now I can, right, but, yeah, important to just allow children to just have their space and their time, because it's not always a time and place for introverts, you know, like we really and truly appreciate being in our room, being in a corner, being anywhere alone, you know, doing, whether it's reading, counting, grass, whatever, whatever it is like we like to be off and alone. So I think it's important for parents to understand that, you know, there isn't anything wrong. They're just quiet. You know, like we really and truly are just quiet.

TD Flenaugh: 18:17

Okay, alright. And are there some final things or Takeaways you want to give to parents about learning about this type of personality?

Antonia Allen: 18:33

Um, I think that there is now a vast amount of information on the internet. And, you know, because the reality of it is, you know, when a child is signed, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are introverted. Other things can be going on, right? So I think it's important to just get to learn. You know, your children nowadays. You know, therapy is very popular, and to be honest, it was during therapy my I don't know what it is that I kept saying for my therapist to tell me Antonia, I want you to get this book by quiet when I realized that I was introverted, it's not that I was shy with a rabbit. I felt like I actually felt relieved at that moment, because I felt like I belonged. Because the reality of it is, when you're quiet, you feel like you don't have a tribe, because everyone else appears normal, while you feel like oddball. Yeah, you know. And the thing is, there are people who are introverted, who are able to be extroverted to fit in. Okay, yes, it's draining. But children, you know, I think as children, we try to adapt with the environment, just so that we fit in, you know. But as we, as we grow older, it makes it can change, okay, yes, but I would, I would appreciate everyone picking up the. Book, get the book? Yes, because in the book, you know there are examples, and you know there are examples of any situation you know, for in in every chapter, there are examples of how to interact with introverts. And then at the end of the chapter, there are always, there are questions for contemplation, so that this way you know, like you can learn a little bit more about introverts,

TD Flenaugh: 20:25

alright, and so where can people find you? So we'll have the link for the book, but whatever, what social media accounts or whatever you have,

Antonia Allen: 20:36

so on Instagram, I am the introvert whisperer, or one word so I am the introvert whisperer. And I recently started a YouTube channel, and it's Antonia's blissful corner.

TD Flenaugh: 20:52

All right, amazing. We're so glad that you have joined us today in our sharing this important information about different personality types and connecting with your child. And thank you so much everyone. Have a great week.

Antonia Allen: 21:10

Thank you.

TD Flenaugh: 21:12

Thanks again for supporting the falling for learning podcast. New Episodes go live every Saturday at 5pm you can watch us on youtube.com, at falling for learning, or listen on all major podcast platforms such as Apple, Google, Audible, Spotify and much more for more resources, visit falling In love with learning.com. We really appreciate you. Have a wonderful week. Gonna pause for a break? I guess we're not pausing for a break. I'll put it in later. I had an ad. I have an ad, but it wasn't there. I don't know anyway. He said, file not found. I don't know what happened anyway? All right, let's continue. It's just so many technical issues of right? Away in the world. All right, okay, that's ridiculous. Well, issues, issues, okay, let me regroup for a second. Okay, all right, continuing on so.